The following guidelines for the sensible sharing of e-mail forwards are excellent. This article is copyrighted and used by permission of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. (Here's an additional link to a site that deals with e-mail rumors from a Christian perspective. Don't miss this site: TruthOrFiction.com.) At the end of this article are links to select e-mails I've received over the years that I think you might enjoy sharing with others. Simply copy the appropriate text and paste it into the body of an e-mail message, or just send a link to this page--but don't forget to keep the advice of this article in mind! ;-)
DON'T BE SO FORWARD WHEN IT COMES TO PASSING ON E-MAIL
By: Virginia Baldwin Hick
Many forward-thinking folks use e-mail. Literally. I'd say three in four e-mails I get from friends and relatives are not letters at all--they're forwards. Forwarding jokes, cartoons, funny news stories, photos and consumer alerts is a favorite pastime of many online denizens. I do it myself.
Here's a very small sample, from a forward I first got more than a year ago, and got again last week--with different entries:
Error messages in the form of Haiku
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies so beautifully.
E-mail forwards also can be more of a nuisance than spam. My friend Julie S.'s experience may be typical.
When Julie first got online, she was an enthusiastic e-mailer. We see each other nearly every week and we live less than a mile from each other. But we'd e-mail several times a week, because we could e-mail when we were thinking of a subject, instead of waiting to see each other in person or play phone tag.
Then Julie got on somebody's forward list, the joke of the day, I think. She started sending a couple forwards a week, which escalated in a few months to several a day. Much of it was quite funny. Some was useful. Sometimes she'd unwittingly forward a hoax.
I checked out the first few "send this to everyone you know" messages, found they were false and sent her gently scolding replies, suggesting that she send my finding back to the person who sent it to her and to the people she forwarded it to. After a few of those, she'd still send me the hoax, to help me monitor the Net, but she wouldn't forward them.
Julie's was my first circle of forwards, but I soon added others. Then when I'd get something interesting from one circle, I'd pass it on to the others. My friends at church became connected with the acquaintances of my childhood friend, the Marine pilot, and their circles both became connected with my family.
Gradually, the people who were sending me so many forwards a year ago have cut way back. I asked Julie why she'd stopped. "It was taking all my time," she said. "I was spending several hours a night reading and sending e-mail, and most of it was forwards."
I share her disaffection. The jokes are getting repetitious and the hoaxes and chains are annoying. (There's a particularly silly one going around using pseudo-scientific language to claim--falsely--a link between the use of artificial sweetener and a couple of joint diseases.) A new annoyance: I've gotten on forward lists of people I don't even know.
My former forward-happy friends have begun to long for a little restraint from some of these circles. It's time to talk about...
Tips for Sensible Sharing of E-Mail Forwards:
* Don't send everything you get to everyone else you know. An inside joke about flying is going to be appreciated more by pilots. A cheery, inspirational story about someone overcoming adversity loses some of its specialness when the "cc" field is loaded with dozens of e-mail addresses.
* Speaking of dozens of e-mail addresses, take off the miles of URLs of previous forwardees at the top before you forward it on.
* You can avoid giving your friends' e-mail addresses to strangers by using the "bcc" (blind copies) field instead of the "cc" or "to" fields. When you type a long list in bcc, each recipient sees only his or her own address. Most e-mail programs have the bcc field directly below the cc field.
* Cut down on the accumulation of chevron marks at the beginning of lines (indicating each time the e-mail has been forwarded) by copying and pasting the type into a new e-mail instead of just hitting the forward button.
* Be wary of "hurry, send this to everyone you know" messages, no matter how sensible they sound. (And take them out of the inspirational sort, too. The only thing worse than telling me at the wrong time to "have a nice day" is telling me to pass it on to all my friends.)
* Check out scams and hoaxes at these sites:
Data Fellows Anti-Virus Hoax Page exposes virus hoaxes only. For urban legends--those stories that pop up over and over again, have an element of humor or horror or both and make a great story too good to be true--they recommend the following site: The AFU & Urban Legends Archive offers the latest scams, spoofs and practical jokes as well as a searchable archive.
* If you receive a hoax or urban legend that you know to be untrue, reply immediately, debunking the myth or scam and asking the person to forward your message instead. If you get a debunking message, send it to everyone you forwarded the hoax to--and to the person who sent you the erroneous message in the first place.
* Don't participate in chains or petitions of any kind. Even valid petitions can quickly take on a life of their own, getting passed around long after the cause has made its point. These chains and petitions are favorites of practical jokers. Take for example the unfortunate college student who has received hundreds of misdirected e-mail petitions protesting the treatment of women in Afghanistan. She has nothing to do with the petition drive and no way to pass them on to appropriate international parties.
© 1999 St. Louis Post-Dispatch
Date: Monday, March 29, 1999
Section: BUSINESS PLUS
Page: 14
Edition: FIVE STAR LIFT
Column: VIRGINIA BALDWIN HICK
TECH TALK
If the following links do not work properly, try adjusting the text size used by your browser.
HUMOROUS (AND OCCASIONALLY TOO TRUE):
WORDS OF WISDOM:
HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN
MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
TOY TEST: Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (if Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (This could wake a child at night).
GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus (they turn bright red when they are unhappy). Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.
FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
NIGHT TEST: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 p.m. begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 a.m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.
PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN): Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.
PHYSICAL TEST (MEN): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
FINAL ASSIGNMENT: Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.
WHAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
1. Raising teenagers is like nailing JELLO to a tree.
2. There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
3. One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
4. The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires.
5. Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.
6. Families are like fudge...mostly sweet with a few nuts.
7. Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
8. My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
9. If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
10. You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
GREAT TRUTHS LEARNED FROM CHILDREN
If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second guy!
No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
When your mom is mad at your dad--don't let her brush your hair.
Never ask your 3-yr-old bother to hold a tomato.
You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
Puppies still have bad breath-even after a tic-tac.
School lunches stick to the wall.
You can't hide broccoli in a glass of milk.
The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.
WHERE IS GOD?
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.
They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"
THE RULES OF CHOCOLATE
If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices, and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.
If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate,is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract eachother?
Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.
Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.
Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy?
If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But.... If it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.
TEN SIMPLE RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car--there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
KANSAS SENATE PRAYER
When Rev. Joe Wright was asked to open the new session of the Kansas Senate,everyone was expecting the usual generalities, but this is what they heard:
"Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask for your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know your Word says, "Woe to those who call evil good" but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. We confess that:
We have ridiculed the absolute truth of Your Word and called it Pluralism;
We have worshiped other gods and called it multiculturalism;
We have endorsed perversion and called it alternative lifestyle;
We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery;
We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare;
We have killed our unborn and called it choice;
We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable;
We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self-esteem;
We have abused power and called it politics;
We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition;
We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression;
We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.
Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Guide and bless these men and women who have been sent to direct us to the center of your will. We ask this in the name of Your Son, the living Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen"
The response was immediate. A number of legislators walked out during the prayer in protest. In 6 short weeks, the Central Christian Church, where Rev. Wright is pastor, logged more than 5,000 phone calls with only 47 of those calls responding negatively. The church is now receiving international requests for copies of this prayer from India, Africa, and Korea. Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on "The Rest of the Story" on the radio and received a larger response to this program than any other he has ever aired. With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and wholeheartedly become our desire so that we again can be called one nation under God.
ROANE COUNTY HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL'S STATEMENT
This is a statement that was read over the PA system at the football game at Roane County High School, Kingston, Tennessee by school Principal Jody McLoud, on September 1, 2000:
"It has always been the custom at Roane County High School football games to say a prayer and play the National Anthem to honor God and Country. Due to a recent ruling by the Supreme Court, I am told that saying a prayer is a violation of Federal Case Law.
As I understand the law at this time, I can use this public facility to approve of sexual perversion and call it an alternate lifestyle, and if someone is offended, that's OK.
I can use it to condone sexual promiscuity by dispensing condoms andcalling it safe sex. If someone is offended, that's OK.
I can even use this public facility to present the merits of killing an unborn baby as a viable means of birth control. If someone is offended, no problem.
I can designate a school day as earth day and involve students in activities to religiously worship and praise the goddess, mother
earth, and call it ecology.
I can use literature, videos and presentations in the classroom that depict people with strong, traditional, Christian convictions as
simple minded and ignorant and call it enlightenment.
However, if anyone uses this facility to honor God and ask Him to bless this event with safety and good sportsmanship, Federal Case Law is violated. This appears to be at best, inconsistent and at worst, diabolical. Apparently, we are to be tolerant of everything and anyone exceptGod and His Commandments.
Nevertheless, as a school principal, I frequently ask staff and students to abide by rules which they do not necessarily agree. For me to do otherwise would be at best, inconsistent and at worst, hypocritical. I suffer from that affliction enough unintentionally. I certainly do not need to add an intentional transgression. For this reason, I shall, "Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's," and refrain from praying at this time. However, if you feel inspired to honor, praise and thank God, and ask Him in the name of Jesus to bless this event, please feel free to do so. As far as I know, that's not against the law----yet."
